Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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