Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
