Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize