There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
