My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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