i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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