His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
