im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
