standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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