this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
