They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize