Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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