If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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