I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize