Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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