Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
