Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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