Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
