This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she looked like the before picture.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
