Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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