Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
