U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
