Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize