I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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