i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize