I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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