Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
