First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
