She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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