so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
try to milk me bitch
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