you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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