you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
