i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am naked and annoyed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
