No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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