No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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