I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
