i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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