Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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