id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
