i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
