Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
