If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
