So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
