so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
