he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
