You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
birth control should be required to get into college
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
this hospital has no fireball
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
