I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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