dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
