i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
