My room smells like vodka and shame
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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