it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
