I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
