a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
