the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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