she was so not down for the gang bang
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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