Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
