apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
