i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize