The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
