i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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