I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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