Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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