I bet he comes in French.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize