fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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