what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
