Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Less talking, more tequila
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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