And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
