I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
