belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
