took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
