end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
