I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
