If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
