I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize