I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
