Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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