Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
