Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
