If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
