I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
from now on my penis is your penis
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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