i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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