You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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