Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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