Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
