I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
