I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
