so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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