My pussy is not your playground.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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