I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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