So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
