just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
