i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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