Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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