how can u be prego again
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
