Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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