why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
