I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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