There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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