perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize